Funny Poems, Pickup Lines From Internet Personals

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"If you are not offended by a big chest...read my profile"

(Offended? Me? No way. What's offensive is that you don't show your chest in the damn photo)

Bonjour fellas (I don't have any french in me).

Would you like some? Hohn-hee-hohn!

I LOVE TO HAVE FUN WITH A GUY, AND TALK ABOUT THE FEATURE.

(Shhhh, just shut up and watch the movie)

"I Have A Very Sexy Disease....Called Sexlexia...And Only You Can Cure Me ;)"

(Sexlexia occurs in 5% of males age 18-45. Symptoms include snuggling after sex, asking your partner out to dinner during sex and chronic reverse thrusting, also known as pulling. It is a sexy disease...a very sexy disease. Remember, only you can cure him)

I'm seeking a equally laid goal oriented woman.

PatheticPersonals.com | Hef's an
equal-opportunity employer

They're equally laid, not to worry.

My ideal match is the the male side of me, you just have not found me yet.

(The male side of me is located lower, lower, lower--there!)

Im 5foot5. Medium cruly/wavy blondish-brown hair, blue eyes and glass. Tone a over.

(It's a over)

I am a very caring, loving, attractive, compassionate, romantic, sensual playful, honest 40 yrld women, with 2 teenagers, a multitude of animals and herpes.

(40 yrld women these days...)

I'm a honesty, fun loving person who enjoys almost everythis.

(You had me at "MENSA member")

I sux at describing myself so bare with me.

(No, bear with me as I describe you: you sux)

I am a big beautiful woman, but I can sit in a bus or airplane seat and still be comfortable.

(Shit, I was hoping I could leave you home when I took vacations with my ho)

I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMMER THAT EVERYONE ENJOY'S.

(I know, baby. Trust me, I know! The whole damn block knows)

Well,all i can say that i'm a simple lady having a long black hair.

(Hari Krishna!)

im a 34 yr old single mom of 3.2 living at home.

(Congrats numnut, you're literally living the American dream)

I'm a manager at a fast food resturant and despite what is said about flipping burgers there is more to it than that.

PatheticPersonals.com | Would
you like fries with your McNumnuts?

Much more! Like checking the beef for pustules, making sure the rat poison container doesn't look exactly like the special sauce container and, last but not least, stocking up on the McNumnuts!

I am a honest guy looking someone that I you can be comfortable with and enjoy being with.

(I could have said it better myself)

Im a hard working man work at factory by they 7 years.
I have green eyes, brown hear, frikles all over.

(If you are indeed hearing colors, you have what is known as synaesthesia. That, or you're completely retarded)

Pleasantly plub seeks trustworty man

(What's that? Damn, I was hoping "plub" was the sound of you drowning)

"NOT a princess or Barbie but look inside and you will find them."

(Airport security will take care of that)

I am a divorced mother of two divorced.

(You alone account for the skyrocketing divorce rate)

i am looking for a single man whom is single

(I know what you mean, those married single men always seem to be unavailable)

I ENJOY MOVIES, READING, PLAYS, MUSIC, CHURCH, POOL, BOWLING, SKATING, SPORTS, LONG WALKS, ROMANCE, KIDS, AND SENDING QUALITY TIME.

(Just don't send it this way)

I'll try anything once. Well maybe not anything... like worms. I won't eat worms. But pretty much anything.

PatheticPersonals.com | Fear Factor is
quality programming

But for $50,000?

I am looking for some one who is very smart, bumb men are a real turn off for me

(Too easy)

Fisty Irish lady seeks fine Irish laddy

Let's hope she ain't built like me!

I am a 23 year old recovering exceptionally well from a spinal fusion surgery

(Now that's an opening line)

hi Im 6.ft.2an nonsoik and non drink I liek pliy sport and hav fun go wilk see move I m free dises and halthi will I Haeb hear from u maseg me thinks

(Yes, but can you DANCE?!)

Intelligent guy seeks attractive girl-or vice versa!

(Hermaphrodites are so easy to please)

I've been told by several friends that I'm good lookin, but I dont know.

(While I normally require at least a scintilla of confidence in my beloved, I'll take "I don't know" as a sign of your refreshing humility. But could you give me the numbers of your friends? I want second opinions)

i love to give messages,i am very sexual when the need be

(Hey, I give good messages too! Here's one: shut it)

I really like shooting guns.. it's something I just recently took an interest in.

That's funny, I recently took an interest in taking DNA samples for the police. I think we're gonna get along.

I'm Shanice and yes I'm a vary passable Shemale .

(The answer to that statement might vary)

I have been Divorced for 5 years now and I am looking for a Loving and Exciting Woman, that is no more than 10 pounds over prime weight for her height and build.

(Now why would someone divorce such a tactful man? Go ahead and make it five pounds over prime weight, we got standards to uphold)

"Folk's say I look young for my age? Must be all that good clean parting?"

(Parting is such sweet sorrow. No wait, it's bliss)

Large Harley riding teddy-bear w/herpes

PatheticPersonals.com | Herpes infects
one in four teddy bears

Look, it's not as bad as you think.
One in five teddy bears have it.

What have you got to loose

(Nothing. But I do have to remember to tighten the noose around your neck)

wut could i say about myself...humm... well i talk alot never like quit situations only sometimes.

(I quit)