Funny Poems, Married Women From Personals

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I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: Just call me Juno for now. I am, 5'6, 195 pounds, Carmel complexion, educated, professional, no children and residing in the Southern Suburbs of Chicago. I, am very much down to earth, great sense of self and humor, independent, no nonsense and a hopeless romantic. WHAT I AM, SEEKING IS FOR MOST HOWEVER, IT IS NOT FOR ALL. SO, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO BE CLEAR. IF, YOU ARE SEEKING AN ONE OR TWO NIGHT STAND, CASUAL SEXUAL ENCONTERS, AND NO STINGS ATTACHED RELATIONSHIP, AND LIES. THIS AD IS NOT FOR YOU.

More about her match:
I am, seeking a male, race is unimportant. However, African American is preferred, 40 to 58 years of age, martial status unimportant, he must be independent, intelligent, and drama free. I am, seeking a friendship/relationship builded on friendship, honesty, trust, respect, understanding and allowing the rest to come naturally.

Pathetic Personals | DER: Keanu's second
emotional state

I'm drama free.

Average guy just seeking to meet the girl next door. I'm a business professional but not stuffy. E-Z going, down to earth and not bad looking. Into boating, old cars and sunsets. Also handy with my tools so I can do those honey do's for you. Like to have fun in & out-doors, cozy fireplace on rainy days and good wine or we can surprise each other with some fantasies. Do you like Bad Boys and their scent? Do you believe in the three date rule? If you want to know more drop me a line or two. All replies answered. Pic available.

More about smelly's match:
The girl next door or executive type that can let her hair down. You're friendly, E-Z going (open minded), not to fussy and look good in jeans or lace, but you don't have to be a Barbie. A sexy pair of legs would also be nice. Age 18, race and martial status unimportant. So if you are a good overall person with a sense of humor I'd love to hear from you. Don't be afraid to reply, I can't bite you!

(Not unless I'm legal...so being 18 IS important, wouldn't you say?)

I have lived all across this beautiful country for nearly thirty years and still hope there is a kindren spirit waiting for me. Hopefully, you will be a woman that also seeks tenderness, caring, and warmth. You still want to have sparks fly when you kiss that special guy. His touch will make your heart sore, and his kiss starts a fire you thought died long ago.

(Soreness of the heart could be the result of arterial blockage. We can actually insert a balloon into your arteries and clear things up. As for the blockage in your brain, we'll perform the same procedure except this time we'll inflate the balloon until it explodes)

Outgoing, respectful,good hygiene,soft touch, and enjoyable compatibility. Discreet,respectiful friendship of mutual caring. Sharing desires, while our dreams energize our togetherness. "DON'T ALLOW YESTERDAYS CLOUDY EXPERIENCES TAINT TODAYS BRIGHT POTENTIAL."

More about his match:
Searching for affectionate,exhilerating emotional gratifications while mutually sharing experiences of spontaneous interaction. Doing those things together that have only become a desire or rememberance of past personal pleasure. Present martial statis respectfully co-exists with newly found source of reenergizied feelings of affection and emotional fulfillment. The Woman" who dares to explore a discreet,secure,senseous,and secret relationship with no refusal or denial of fantacy exploration. Slim,fit,average,to slightly over weight womanly body,moderately full lips, moderate facial/eye make-up,and well manicured hands,and nails. Proudly displays authentic endowments,healthy libido,a playful sense of humor, willing to try almost anything to "be pleased" or "please". Fanatical participation in foreplay and adventurously curious in discreet display of anatomy,sensual touching,or most any discreet personal show of affetion in public. EXPECTS MORE THAN A "ONE NIGHT STAND".

(You seem to have black belt in numnuttery)

I am a very content person. It doesn't take alot to make me happy ... The only real things I look for are honesty and integrity. I just moved back from Florida last month and me and my brother share a place. I love gaming ... mostly PC. I also love movies and if you are around me ... better not be camera shy. Later :)

More about his match:
My match will be my match and that is about as detailed as I can get. I don't know the perfect formula when it comes to hair, eyes, kids, martial status. My match will be my match and hopefully I will be hers as well.

(Detailed enough for me! Buddy, the perfect formula is a simple one: just be yourself. No wait, scratch that--try to be someone less moronic. Scratch that--just go back to your gaming)