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The Things Men Say
The Cyber Diary of Alexis Nexis

I am looking for a man whom I can spend romantic evenings on the couch with just talking or watching a movie. Whom I can have intellitiual conversations with. Whom will take care of me no matter. Whom belives in manogamy. Whom always puts his woman first and treats her like a queen. This all may sound very high standard but, after a woman has had her heartbroke enough times she has to lay it out on the line honestly.

(Whom gets it, whom gets it, you're damaged)

I'm about 5*2 and about 118lbs. I have light brown hair and gray/blue eyes. I wear glasses, I have my belly button pierced and I am slightly tan(because of the sun). I am planning on going to college to be a probation officer. Hop to here from you soon!!!!

You become tan because of the sun! Of course...I feel stupid. Here I am rambling on about big bangs and black holes while this soon-to-be probation officer finally breaks down one of the most sought after answers in the history of human existence. Touch my screen.

I am seeking someone who is nice and cares about their girls. I have blonde hair, brown eyes, 5'6, 155lbs. I have a size 44d boobs.

More about her match:
Nice and has a good personality. Actually cares about the girls they are with. Dont treat the girls like crap. Just someone that don't beat or cheat on their girls. I hate cheating men. I have been cheated on and did not like it at all.

America brace yourself, tonight CBS news has learned of a story almost too shocking to believe: a woman in Chicago claims she "did not like it at all" when her man cheated on her. While our newsroom feverishly scrambles to bring you the full story, rest assured we will stay on top of this truly groundbreaking event. I hate cheating men.

The woman I seek? Well she's kind, caring, affectionate, funny and fun to be around, smart but dosen't force her opinions or views apon you, knows what she wants or atleast has an idea, cute, pritty (at least I need to think so), takes care of her self or tries any how, and basically I'm looking for a nice person that wants to start out as friends. I think the woman I love will be my best friend as well as my companion.

Best friend and companion? Shit that's deep... ak.

I am a: 23 yr old man
located in: Harleysville, Pennsylvania, United States

About me and who I'd like to date
Im someone whos out here just to meet new people maybe meet up maybe something may happen never just want to have a good time. so if you are looking for the same or like what you see and read give me a holloar.

Interests

for fun:
I enjoy going to club with friends dancing and drinking. Sports

favorite hot spots:
going to the country bar and sports bar and strip clubs sometimes

favorite things:
I love Mcdonalds

last read:
maxim,stuff

(Nothing like curling up on the couch and reading Stuff. Did you get to the part where that one guy goes to that one place? Or wait, wait, how about the part where that thing happens to that one character or something? Sorry I can't be more specific, but as far as I remember, Stuff was a huge book. Holloar!)

I am very down to earth and don't like love to live out west or people who won't get their hands dirty... Wouldown my own art gallery... This profile says I in in Mason/Lebanon area.someplace, that I have no clue where it is... I am actually

(You don't like love? Dating must be frustrating for you. Were you about explain yourself when you were so rudely cut off by my foot in your ass?)

I am a 27 yeal old singel parent, Who likes to spend time WITH and WITH OUT my son.

(Both WITH and WITHOUT your child, damn that's versatile. Are you friends with the lady who likes to do things both INDOORS and OUTDOORS?)

A sense of resonsibity is a imporant.

(I could agree more)

Someone wonderful who makes me happy. Good conversation always is good. Someone who doesnt like being on a date at a landfill or near a waste-water treatment plant. Someone funny, who can talk, have fun, and isnt too uptight.

(What?! Everyone knows good conversation is never good. No, I will leave you in)

I am large not huge, and I love to laugh and joke. People sometimes say that I am a nut, hey that a good thing. I love animals, I have 12 dogs, 3 cats, and 3 aquariums with fish in them. Its important to have fish in them, if there were no fish them it would be so boring looking at water and rocks. I love racing and motorcycles. I guess that everyone does, right?

(Correct, large not huge, everyone does love racing and motorcycles. Since we all share this common interest, let's get together as a nation and fill those fucking aquariums with water and fish)

Hi, my name is Jonathan . I am a student . . I think an funny person anyways. I love football and baseball-- sports in general. I love offroading I own a jeep so its pretty easy to do. I also fly and I am planning on buying a harley davidson this summer and driving it to and from work and anywhere else. I am about 5'4" yeah I know I am short It stinks but oh well.Like I said I think I am pretty funny my favorite thing to do is hang out with my friends and crack jokes all night.I also love to go to new places with them or go on road trips to different places and have fun. Like kyaking down at Turkey Run State park or flying one or two of us to Put-in-Bay Ohio for the day nand hang out. When I am not with them I am working my second shift job to pay for things. I moving to the Auburn area soon. I am looking for a girl who is funny and looks aren't too important its on the inside that counts. I am big on Family and friends and consider my friends part of my family.

(Hey, you're right, it is better to offroad in a Jeep. I learned the hard way, tanking my Kia as I hurdled down a friggin' cliff. And don't worry about your height; Napolean had a giant penis)

About Me:
I love rodeo, horses, and training. I love the country. My kids are my 3 horses and 2 dogs. I love to work. I dont like sitting still. I dont get along with women very well. (thanks to my 4 brothers raising me) I like it when people tell the truth, communicate. I dont like people that think that they are better then other people, or that are stuck on themselves.

About the one I'm looking for:
Truthful, fun, loves horses, enjoys the same things I do. Likes to work hard. Communication is everything in a relationship.

My idea of the perfect first date:
Going riding horse in the hills for hours and getting to know each other. But the guy must know stuff about horses I train horses, I dont need to train him to.

What I've learned from my past relationships:
Dont introduce them to my dad and my brothers uless its serious. Dont spend 6 years with a guy that thinks of nothing but himself and hates horses. Communications is EVERYTHING (and trust)

(You're a horse trainer who spent six years with a man who hates horses; smart move, Seabiscuit! For your next relationship, I'd recommend investing a decade in a gay man)

Hello, This is where I get tell you alittle bit about myself. Ok Let's get the physical out of the way. I am 5'5", very dark eyes, brown hair, attractive, mediterainian looking some have said. I say , I look Italian....lol. I am pear shaped which means I am bottom heavy.

Ever since this trailblazing discovery, we have come to the conclusion that pears are in fact heavier at the bottom and not at the top as previously thought. This computer-generated graphic shows that as one moves down the pear, the diameter of the body grows larger, creating this mysterious "bottom heavy" effect she's talking about. We are forever grateful to Ms. Sorta 'Tarded for pointing this out.

I am a: 29 yr old man
located in: Mariemont, Ohio, United States
looking for: 27 to 35-year old woman
within 40 miles of Mariemont, Ohio, United States

"Cool guy seeks the same"

In case clarification is needed, when I say "seeks the same" in my ad title, I mean that I seek that in a girl. Anyways, now that we got that cleared up. My life's ultimate interests are science and foreign languages (I know it sounds nerdy), but I also love art, music, clubs and bars, and simply relaxing.

(All clear on this end! So you want hot, steamin' man love with the touch of a lady. Bring it)

I'am finishing high school soon. Iam gonna try to get into collage. I'am 6'5 short brown hair -just got it cut. Iam fairly shy unless i know you well. I like music as my main hobby. I listen to Rock (not rap, nu-metel, punk or any of that). And ya....thats it.

More about collage-bound's match:
Nice person who has a good attitude different then a bad attitude. Honest and mainly..respectable. Respect is the most key thing. Plainly a nice person. K thats that....

A "good" attitude differs from a "bad" attitude in the following ways: 1) It is "good," unlike the bad attitude, which is "bad" 2) See #1 3) K that's that

I am the southern gentleman cought in this crazy place called Los Angeles. I am an actor and massage Therapist. I am laid back and chill, but when I go out and have a few...oh boy...it gets crazy. I need a Hot woman that has values...nice legs...and ABSOLUTELY down to earth..cant seem to find those around here. Personality FAR out weighs looks..but I am naturally drawn to very beautful women. As long as she has a beautful personality though I am a happy man.

Send a crew down to this crazy place called Los Angeles as soon as possible. We have word that a man is naturally attracted to beautiful women.

Who am I? Well, I'm the guy next door. The one you see but never talk to. Not that this is a bad thing.... because you see, I've taken all this time to really figure out who I am and experience as many things as possible. It really has been a great time!!! Now I'm ready for the next step in my life.

I'm hard working and generally enjoy what I do. I love kids. However, my having any will greatly depend on whovever I'm with. It obviously takes 2 and a huge commitment on both parts. But I think the rewards of a family can be incredible!!!!

(For you, the rewards of a vasectomy would be far richer)

I really like someone who can make me see the otherside of the coin. Spontaneity is encouraged!!! Hit me with the unexpected!!! Well, if you have beautiful long hair don't go and shave your head bald!!! That isn't what I mean when I say, "hit me with the unexpected". But some twists and turns can be fun. If you think that your somewhat the person above let me know. What do you have to lose......

(Every fucking shred of dignity I have)

I would like to have another child when in a settled relationship. I would like that person to want a child as well. I am very much fine with children that he may have already in another relationship. I love children. I need him to be loving and affectionate to myself and my daughter.

(I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them repeat the same fucking sentiment over and over again)

dedicated man, responsible, outgoing, interlectual, fearless, romatic person. trusting and communicates well. I beleive the person and i should come together as one.

More about his match:
an entergetic,professional, carsmatic, goal driven and forceful while being stimulating and seductive. understands communication and willing to share in ideals and situation and want a say in her man leading

(Fearless leader, show me the way. Interlectual master, let us come together as one. Carsmatic counsellor, slip me a mickey)

I am the funniest, greatest and most intelligent woman to ever walk the earth, oh yeah I'm humble too. One time someone called me crazy and when I turned around to see who it was, nobody was there. I'm not a big partier, drinker or smoker. I prefer a small group of friends or a lazy day on the couch watching MST 3K or Fairly Oddparents.

More about humble's match:
I would like someone who can make sarcastic jokes with me but without being overly cruel. You don't have to be Stephan Hawking but you just can't be an idiot. You also would have to know who Stephan Hawking is.

Few people know that I have a twin brother, Stephan. He's a writer for MST 3K

To get a good sense of who I am, the first word that would best describe is creative, I love doing pottery, charcoal drawings, and have enjoyed workworking in the past. However, being in school and working, doesn't allow me too much time to sit and let my fingers make magic on a piece of paper or mold a piece of clay into a strong, yet graceful opus. When summer comes and I am not in school, I would much rather be outdoors, boating, snowmobling, 4-wheeling in the sand dunes, kayaking and yes, fishing with my father. However, I love getting dressed up in heels, and a skirt or fitting jeans when I go out on a night in town, or going out for fine dining (only if my date knows correct and polite manners). I also like to go to concerts, plays, and science or art muesums. Please keep in mind that I'm not perfect, I can be clumsy, forgetful, not very punctual. However, because I have told you my faults and I am also blonde, does not mean that I am stupid.

(Snowmobling-bling in the summer? She's a blonde wonder)

I have an IQ of 127, rather intelligent and can hold a conversation. Some good things about me is that am family oriented, spending a lot of time with my family, especially my beloved Grandmother. I am also old fashioned when it comes to relationships, I enjoy cooking and taking care of the things around the home for my man, however, I expect total respect, doors opened, and a romantically inclined man. I have no children and never married. Sound good so far? Well if your wondering if there is a catch, there is. I have herpes, and so you must be okay with this. Please read what my ideal match is, and if that is you, let me know and maybe we can get to know each other better.

More about her match:
My ideal match has to have his own interests, be independant, and know what he wants. He must have a good sense of humor and trustworthy. I have never cheated on any of my Bf's so I expect him to be true to me! He would also be intelligent, in other words, use proper English, have common sense. Also he has to be goal oriented, responsible, not into the bar scenes every weekend, and not a heavy drinker. If you are a lier, abuser, or a cheater, please don't think I will stay with you. I am happy enough with myself that I don't need a loser who has no self esteem. I will not settle for less.

(Of course you shouldn't. What a picky chicky, especially one with the Herps)

Open-minded, easy-going, disease-free, drug-free, loves to laugh, love children, very intimate, very sensually sexual, gives good messages, loves all types of music, love all types of movies, Am respectful, honorable, dependable, full-time worker, very independent, stand at 5 ft. 6 in. tall blackish brown hair, glasses, brown eyes, Also a twin. Have twin brother, and love to spend time outside, or in doors. Also need a very intimate type that wants a sexual relationship, aswell as an interlectual type to talk with. And share thoughts, and feelings.

(Billy Bob Thornton has agreed to do a dramatic reading of this profile. It just "spoke to him")

I belive in miracle and I want to have enduring family and I want to surround family with care, comfort and warmth. I like to make a holiday, to play the piano and to rejoice in life. I'm intelligent, kind, serious, with sense of humour, hard-working.

(Yes, let's make a holiday...Festivus is taken, so is Christmas...got it! How about Miracle Day, where you take a check out of your checkbook, roll it up nice and tight and cram it)

I'm a full time mom, who enjoys cooking, nice ocean breeze and intellignet conversations.

()

I will answer any of your questions, but personally. At first, I can be a good friend. But you know that love is friendship, which grow with time. So will see. Maybe we can be more than just friends. Someone who will cares about me. With whom I can talk but not only have fun, who's looking for a good and serious girl. Someone who knows what's mean college or university. Other I will tell you later:)

(Anyone know what college means?...anyone...anyone?)

I am a 24 year old college graduate who lives in twin falls. I am placing this ad because i feel that i have a good life except for the fact that i do not have anyone special to share it with. I am a kind, caring, honest, intelligant person with good moral values. I like animals expecially dogs. I like to travel and have done so on numerous occastions including a trip to europe. I have a some pics, but you have to ask me for them in order to see them. I am the type of guy who believes in keeping a good appearence by wearing decent cloths and maintaing proper grooming habits.

(Maintaing in the membraing; maintaing in the braing)

About me and who I'd like to meet
I'm an intelligent man who wants to give and received loved, also enjoy nice romantic dinners and quiet evenings. I really do not trust this "matching" softwares but I would like to find someone to skeep it and go for the hardware: nothing will replace human contact..........If you think I could be just give me a wistle!!!, I'll be waiting!!!

(For a loooong time)

Im the average nice guy, the well mannered cowboy type. I like to have fun and a good time. Im not ready to have a serous relationship. I like to try new things that i'v never done,or experoment with things. Not looking for a cowgirl just someone that wants to have fun. I like to go out and party, maybe go to some cubs but also love to just kick back and hang out at home.I also like sports, fishing, hunting, and any outdoors event. I like to rodeo but just sold my horse and trailer to go to collage. I enjoy smart intelagent women. It would be nice if they had the some interest that I do.

(Smart and intelagent? Not only that, but she has to like going to some cubs...hmmm. Wait, you should rethink this approach, I think a cowgirl is perfect for you)

About me and who I'd like to meet
I am an objective egoist. I enjoy martial arts, astronomy, and fast cars. I like the company of intelligent people. My honesty, originality and integrity are uncompromising. I like descussing philosophy, ( obviously I can't spell) and beating my punching bag untill it breaks. I'm pretty extreme either way. I need passion in my life to survive.

(And a nice girly to punch)

More about Mike Tyson's match:
I want a girl who thinks for herself. I like girls who know how to enjoy life and what they want from it. Intillectual intelligence is cool but good commen sense is all that really matters for interesting and good company. I want to meet someone like me so if what I said about myself sounds like you the feel free to give me an e-mail

(You want someone like you? Watch the nuts, my man)

I am a mixed latino christian taoist utopian,INTJ Abpos fire snake/taurus (I don't speak spanish but learning japanese) attending GCCC college taking the Human services specialist course 2yr. A.S. While working At at a home improvement warehouse (construction)labor type job. eventually I plan to become a social worker, majoring in sociology because our biography is witten by our society. In a better society I could be more but this is the hand I've been delt I'm tring to play the best I can. I live a simple lifestyle I enjoy prayer,reiki massage meditation, exercise and mental development I try to waste as little of my limited life span as possible.

(How limited is your life span? Just curious)

In my spare time I moderate a website for peaceful education and Government reform to hopefully give the next generation of childern a better start to becoming smart healthy adults and continue cleaning up the ignorance that causes life to be unenjoyable. They say you can never have to many friendss, but your judged by the company you keep. If you want to be friend hang out hugs handshakes no sex involved thats fine. Though I do not go out as much as I've become more dedicated to intellectual hermit stuff bored and disapointed with society and most gatherings. If your looking for a serious realtion ship.Lets get to the point, its easy to find sex but difficult to find someone you can put up with. From what I've studied Lonlyness is hormonal. Love is not wise fools rush in. Soulmate is a deluision wishful thinking. Marrige hmm(its sad to belong to someone else whan the right one comes along. I'm looking for those mentaly stable no head games. Sex is overrated See(taoist injaculation) I belive in aids testing and written agreements if you want to be more than just friends. From the study of M.B.T.I ketsuekigata astrology and my own pref. I would be most compatable with an japanese intj ab blood capricorn ox rooster someone who understands the need for space, times I need to study for goals or be alone and is not finacially or emotionally demanding.

(It's sad watching INTJs injaculate all over themselves)

Light from a distant Sun is bent through layers of turbulent Air, thick with the dust of Earth and Life... The dazzling sunset comes from a complex, gritty and sometimes turbulent Path. The Story of every person who walks beneath that sunset is just as complex, gritty and turbulent... Complexity is beautiful. All life is complex and mine is no exception, full of complications and contradictions--Graduate student editor/writer; scholar artist; mature trickster; one foot out of the closet; sharp-witted romantic; pacifist martial artist; medieval and drum-n-bass music artist/lover; Pagan Catholic Taoist Buddhist Philosopher... And always with more questions than answers... ... ... Can you see this complexity in your own life? See it as a beautiful thing? Unafraid of finding someone new to share it with? Imperfect and a Real woman is who I'm looking for...

Come on and get both feet out of the closet, we'll be here.

OI,m a very easy going guy,also adventureous. Laid back but likes to have fun. I have a good sense of humor,I love to see a pretty women smile. I always keep it real.Very humble but I'm confident and very handsome.I'm a go getter and ambitous.We all slip up and that's no promblem but if you cross me,you lost me.Ladies please don,t play on my intelligence. YOU CAN'T SLICK A CAN OF OIL. HOPE TO HOLLA SOON!#1LUV!!(LADIES JUST BE YOURSELF& KEEP IT REAL THERE'S NO FUTURE IN FRONTIN')

(There's no future in us either)

tall dark and handsome 6'1" 180lbs dark tan athletic build well educated class but also nows how to let loose and just chill and im lookin for tha special girl to chill with smat funny sexy classie but a little of a freak in the bedroom but shes got to be her own woman not frontin like most all the other girls out here

(Smat move, sexlax)

"ALL MEN AND WEMAN HAVE THE SAME BETWEEN THEIR SHOULDERS AND THIGH...IT'S BETWEEN THE EARS"

About me and who I'd like to meet
25 YEARS U. S. MARINE CORPS. SOMEWHAT DISABLED,BUT NOT IN THE WRONG PLACES. LIKE TO HAVE SOME TO TO CONVERSE WITH, CUDDLE WITH. WHO LOVES MASSEGES. I LOVE TO GIVE THEM. I REALY LIKE TO MAKE A WOMEN TO FEEL LIKE A WOMEN, AND RELAXED AT THE SAME TIME. MAY BE MOVING WITHING WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS...,SO IF YOU LIKE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION AND A MASSAGE THAT WILL TAKE AWAY TENSION AND PUT YOU TO SLEEP...........WE WILL START FROM THERE

More about somewhat disabled's match:
SOMEONE WHO WHO COULD NEVER SAY WAHAT SHE WANTED TO SAY ... IN ANY STYLE, LANGUAGE, OR WORDING. THE QUESTION YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK, BUT HELD BACK, NEVER KNOWING THE ANSWER. HOWEVER, ALWAYS WANTING TO. I'M HIM, AND THE SAME GOES FOR ME....OF COURSE WITH THE MASSAGE TO HELP.

(Your match sounds frustrated, not being able to communicate and all. But after an opening line like that, what's left to say except "you're somewhat disabled")

About me and who I'd like to date
I like to be spontaneous *HEY!* like that. I like to be a dummy and an intelectual at the same time. MENSA is the biggest group of self-indulgent people I've ever read about. Who are they to claim mental superiority over the entire world? MENSA people are big dummies! I like suckers, especially the ones with tootsie rolls inside; I forget what they call those... mmm... :^P I would like to meet someone who isn't already in a relationship cause I don't like it when guys get jealous of me. I don't like to fight anymore, it hurts my hands. ouch! Those japanese beetles that look like lady bugs are the devil. I don't like things that only pretend to be fun and friendly, and those darn beetles do just that... jerks... I like people when they feel flirty cause they are so much more fun to be around. I like being calm, but it doesn't happen very often. I like having arguements, cause I get a chance to see how seriously people take things. Pretences and paradigms are very cool terms. Terms make people sound smarter than they really are. I don't like having rules for an extended period of time. The only rule that makes sense to me is that we should love each other, but it shouldnt need to be a rule. I like grass, did I mention that earlier? I like ice cream and chocolate too. My favorite drink is the blueberry mountain dew at the local coffee shop. Sugar Rocks!

(And it rolls, my friend. Sugar rocks and rolls)

"Hot blonde looking for "The One""

About me and who I'd like to date
I try to do what I want to do in life because I don't like to be kept down. I like to listen to music. Preferably punk rock or rock. I like to talk to people and meet new people. Dating is always an option except when already in a relationship.

(News to me! Thanks for the relationship advice, no wonder my bitches keep wigging out)

da wan fo u

I'm your basic big kid type man. I like having fun and I love intelligent conversation sometime. I would like to make friends and maybe meet that special someone. Who knows, I just want to meet some people who want to enjoy them selves with someone else ;} the woman for me can chanlenge my mental, that is she has more to herself than her job or how pretty she happens to be. Though I like beautiful and independent women a witty woman does something for me. the woman for me is a lover of God, I feel if you love God than loving a person should come natural since we are made in his image and likeness( though nowadays its hard to tell but we'll get better). I also like a prissy woman. a woman who like to do her nails and feets :). a woman who can rocks a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and still have that girly feel.

(Both feets? That's a tall order...you've lost that girly feeling)

i am 25 and i live on the north side of chicago and i am living in an apartment, i love living in chicago and i have three younger brothers and no sisters they range in age from 24,21,17 i have no pets i cant stand cats i love dogs. i want to live in a house in about a year or two i want a wife who will be good for me and our future kids i dont want that many kids 3 at the most but my wife has to be nice to me and very committed to making a relationship work willing to be in the relationship 100% not 50/50 it doesnt work like that and i want her to be my friend as well as my lover ;) (doesnt hurt if you love sex)

(It hurts if it's with you)

i am also very compassionate about whatever i do i have to do everything to the best of my ability. i work for A computer company and i am in sales so i guess i have to be aggressive but i am competitive by nature anyway but hey who isnt. I realy do enjoy what i am doing I have to say i honestly love my job . but i think that helps in everyday life because people tend to be happier if they like what they are doing. (thats my opinion) take it for what it is worth.

(That's your opinion? Genius. Is someone writing this down? I think he's on to something)

whatever i do i have to do everything to the best of my ability. i work for A computer company and i am in sales so i guess i have to be aggressive but i am competitive by nature anyway but hey who isnt. I realy do enjoy what i am doing I have to say i honestly love my job . but i think that helps in everyday life because people tend to be happier if

(Allow me to finish for you: "I quit while I was way behind")